By Charlotte Latvala, REDBOOK
When I was single, I thought marriage was like that Beatles song: "All You Need Is Love." Of course, I still think love is an important part of the mix, but now that I'm a little older and wiser -- and a veteran of 12 years of wedded bliss -- I know that you need a lot of other things, too.My husband, Tony, and I, for instance, couldn't survive without central air-conditioning (when I'm hot, I'm horribly cranky), his and hers bookshelves (sorry, my precious set of Jane Austen hardbacks can't be defiled by his swaggering Robert Ludlums) and a phrase we both use to stop the drama when we're arguing and frustrated ("Let's cut to the chase here").
Our "can't live without" list has changed over the years (the water bed is long gone; comfortable dining room chairs are in), but certain essentials are here to stay. Read on for a surprising list of what every couple must have -- besides that beguiling basic, love -- to keep their bond going strong.
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1. A beautifully framed picture from your falling-in-love days.
Of course you need some wedding photos around the house, but those shots are often about so much more than just the two of you, such as your families, the fabulous dress and the dizzying, hectic stress of it all. So display -- prominently -- a snapshot from your dating days, too, says psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Opening Love's Door. "Looking at a photo of the two of you sitting in a canoe, or wherever, all gaga over each other, is an instant way of returning to that state when you were falling in love," she says. "You always want to stay in touch with that magic chemistry you first had and strive to go back to those days in some way."Related: Could You Love a Man Who Wears Skinny Jeans?
2. A movie you both love.
For many years of dating and marriage, Tony and I had opposite tastes in movies (me: historical, character-based films; Tony: big-bang action movies and complicated thrillers). I was always a little sad that we rarely snuggled up on the couch to ooh and ahh over the same flicks. Then, The Lord of the Rings movies came along. We were both captivated (sword fighting and manly allegiances for Tony, complex characters and moral dilemmas for me -- and Sean Bean and Viggo Mortensen didn't hurt, either). We've finally found a flick -- well, three -- that we're equally passionate about. And we get a "this is our thing" glow whenever one of us throws out a LOTR-ism, such as calling the space between my son's bed and the wall (where all the Lego pieces and Matchbox cars disappear) the Crack of Doom or quoting Gandalf ("Keep it secret, keep it safe") when one of us entrusts the other to make a bank deposit.
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